Dubbed “shoulditis” by medical professionals, this condition is not a joke — and Suckitup is not the only answer.
A serious condition is sweeping across the nation. Are you one of the thousands of 20-somethings affected?
Dubbed “shoulditis” by medical professionals, this condition is not a joke. Nearly 90 percent of cases have been found to result in severe and sometimes fatal damage to one’s inborn potential, ultimately leading to the slow and silent death of, well, the soul.
If you experience any of the following warning signs, seek help immediately:
- The compulsive and incessant feeling that you should have it all figured out, despite the confusion swirling around in your head
- The persistent sense that you should follow a certain predefined path, for example, law school, business school, climbing the corporate ladder, etc.
- Sudden and unexplained disorientation upon arrival to said classroom, cubicle or office; constant feeling of “WTF am I doing here?!”
- The feeling that you are walking (or are expected to walk) someone else’s path rather than your own
- Sense of dread regarding THE REST OF YOUR FREAKING LIFE
- Nausea, vomiting, throwing up within the mouth
The cause of shoulditis is not completely known, but it is believed to originate from a combination of the following factors:
- Pressure (whether real or perceived) from parents, friends and society to appear as though you have it all figured out
- The need to prove that you are not, in fact, an aimless and wandering blob-of-a-loser
- The () notion that everyone else
So what’s the treatment?
Most patients choose to treat their shoulditis with a daily dose of prescription Suckitup ® 20 mg, which works by inhibiting the brain’s natural ability to question. This results in a newfound ability to become accustomed to, and even superficially happy with the daily grind.
Suckitup works quickly and effectively, allowing you to live a normal life immediately without the compulsion to ask all those pesky questions like “Who am I?” and “What should I do with my life?”
However, the drug does not cure the underlying condition and has several known side effects, including:
- Leading a life of quiet desperation
- The slow and silent killing of the soul
- Occasional diarrhea
Patients sometimes have trouble swallowing Suckitup or cannot tolerate the side effects, preferring instead to treat the condition with alternative methods. Contrary to popular belief, a myriad of alternative treatments do exist — but only you can decide which one is right for you.
Options include, but are not limited to:
- , asking questions, exploring options and allowing yourself “not to know” for awhile
- Ditching the well-worn path for the path that speaks to your soul, even if it means sacrificing societal norms or secure paychecks or parental approval
- Seeking a mentor or coach who can how to forge that unbeaten path
- Starting your or project or initiative
- Pursuing your passion or a alongside a traditional career
Suckitup is not the only answer, and don’t make the mistake of thinking it is. Your soul depends on it.
writes for the young & confused at , proving that good advice doesn’t have to be boring or uncool. Battling shoulditis? .